When narcissists shame you for not accepting their apology

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DoctorRamani

DoctorRamani

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When narcissists shame you for not accepting their apology
When narcissists shame you for not accepting their apology
When narcissists shame you for not accepting their apology
When narcissists shame you for not accepting their apology
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Комментарии пользователей:
hanover fist
2022-08-15 20:01:04

a flat sorry....nothing else....its been a wasted life and if I had not felt trapped...I would have been gone 29/30 y ago.

hanover fist
2022-08-15 19:56:44

im sorry but I did nothing wrong.😵‍💫😖

Erika Lomeli
2022-08-15 13:56:11

I’d get” it is what it is” or “I’m not going to sacrifice/lose who I am for anyone”
Every single time followed by what about-ism

Tammie Q
2022-08-14 14:21:55

My mother’s apology said , “I’m sorry we don’t see eye to eye”. I said to her, “Whatever that means” . Results, mom’s narcissism and shaming got a hundred times worse. Distance and space between us is best.

William Turechek
2022-08-14 05:22:06

Have had it happen. Wasn't a real apology and I pointed this out and why it wasn't. It definitely wasn't sincere, it was followed up by tons of excuses to try to blame their actions on someone else.

Beth Locke
2022-08-13 23:46:01

My ex had this apology: "Have you forgiven me for the things that I did?" This happened probably 20 years after the divorce.

Abdul Haseeb
2022-08-13 23:30:04

After we broke up she apologized after several months but she wanted us to be back together and even marry. I told he accepting an apology doesn't mean you can be at the same terms with that person again, and of course she snapped.

Jeff Coakes
2022-08-13 22:11:02

I get im sorry.

Then I dident do anything a second later
And a kinda implication she's not sorry

cosmicpowers1685
2022-08-13 13:23:18

My mom "apologized" for the wrong thing entirely. I told her if she kept talking about rape and abuse, I was going to leave. I told her twice. The second time, I actually left. I was not upset, actually proud of myself for leaving and maintaining a boundary.

She called me 3 days later and apologized for upsetting me so much I left. Again, I explained to her that her behavior was the thing that would make me leave. I didn't accept her apology, but rather asked her to explain what she thinks she did wrong and it devolved into her blaming me for her failure to get me therapy after my childhood sexual abuse. She claimed I was an adult (I wasn't. I was a child), and I was calling the shots (not true) and I told her not to (another lie).

I was in tears by the end of the conversation and I haven't spoken to her since. It's been 2 months and idk if I ever want to hear from her again

autumn jimenez
2022-08-13 05:49:16

I endure this regularly. It’s not ever a direct sorry. It’s getting mad when im indifferent to her “nice” little gestures or when she tries to talk to me as if nothing has happened.

Thomas C Church
2022-08-12 15:16:13

I tend to look for the passive aggressive barb in an apology, especially, coming from one who always has to be right!

Mara
2022-08-12 08:44:09

My mom apologized to me only because I didn’t respond to her text mind you 🙄 she left me a voice mail crying all dramatic she says “ please forgive me but then says but what I did to you wasn’t that bad mind you she was crying while saying this ..🙄 like what !! It Wasn’t that bad who says that after an apology 😂

Anne M.
2022-08-12 04:51:35

I don't get an apology from my mom without it being a "but you do the same thing to me" and "how do you think I feel?" Followed with a nonsensical mis-mesh of gaslighting and smearing; they are never real apologies, they only cause what I call a "secondary hurt" because it is a further justification for how what she is "apologizing" for, was right. An real apology acknowledges the hurt, at the very least. The "I'm sorry" is angry in tone, and I have realized over time to not share that I have been hurt unless I am ready for potentially (and typically) worse aggression and deepening of the original hurt. I have two siblings who both left to live other places after college, and as she gets older, they are distancing themselves further as her behavior worsens. They both have been and still are affected by it as well. Extremely conflictual, and now in older age, she is starting to lose some cognitive functioning and so arguing is a comfortable and familiar avenue of communicating, so it continues to spiral, and people continue to distance evn further. Because I am the closest in proximity, she takes the frustration of other people's rejection out more on me and every boundary I set and stick to is met with anger. But one thing I have learned is that as a Narcissist ages, they can still develop new methods of gaslighting that are unbelievable! Stealing the remote when you get up, and watching you struggle to find it for darn near 20 minutes and suddenly there it is right on the arm of the chair; and there is even a noticeable smile on her face. I've started to have to hide things and shut bedroom doors if she comes over (which is less) it's very sad but it took me a long time to realize that these things have been going on my whole life. It's very helpful just to identify it, and empowering to begin setting limits and standards for yourself.

BARBARA LANE
2022-08-12 04:51:13

My sister was married to a man that told her his last born was not his. She was a virgin when she married him and remained faithful to him throughout their marriage. He devalued her, told her she was crazy and she had had an affair. My sister was so abused by him that she started to think she had had an affair without knowing it.

Poison Plays
2022-08-12 00:03:33

My ex literally shamed me last week because I can’t instantly stop having hurt feelings when she says something unkind to me, then tells me she “didn’t mean it like that” or “it came our wrong because I’m bad with words” or “I didn’t know saying that would hurt you”. She argues with me when I point out that it invalidates my feelings to expect me to instantly feel better just because she indicated she didn’t hurt me on purpose.

She loves to walk into a room and volley a generic “I’m sorry” at me when she knows she’s hurt my feelings. Woe betide me if I’m not ready to immediately forgive her and pretend nothing happened. All the more so if I ask her what she’s apologizing for, since I’m not clear on that.

At some point, she apparently decided that the problem isn’t that she frequently hurts my feelings, but that my feelings get hurt too often when she didn’t intentionally try to hurt them. Because that’s a reasonable perspective. 🙃

Janice
2022-08-11 22:52:44

I always get the “You just have to accept me for who I am” bit. Sorry but no one has to accept bad behavior no matter who they are. I will never again accept an apology from a narcissist.

Aline Mel Journey
2022-08-11 20:51:34

Yes with my brother in law married with my husband sister

Plants Over Pills
2022-08-11 18:36:15

After being the only one of two daughters to care for my aging parents for 6 long years, my mother turned on me, following the passing of my 91 year old father, accusing me of being “less than useless,” calling my husband “high and mighty,” and our daughter a “mouth piece” After this montage of unwarranted insults, I severed ties and stopped contact. About 3 months later, our son delivered a message from her. “ the incident was a misunderstanding.”
Sorry was never in my mother’s vocabulary.

Cait
2022-08-11 17:29:31

I’m sorry you feel that way but I have never in my life betrayed someone in my 60 years of life. Not my husbands, children, sister or friends.

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